EXTRAS from Meetings with Sewers
by Tropicwhale
Summary: Missing/Edited Scenes from my "Sewers" series. chapter six is from "Sometime Around Midnight" entitled "Bathtime" Spander Slash
1. Heart to Heart S

**_EXTRAS from Meetings with Sewers_**

**_By: _Tropicwhale**

**Disclaimer**: Not mine

**_Warnings:_** Bad Language. Mentions of Slash. Discussion of Morals and the nature of good and evil.

**_Author Notes:_** This is a supplemental piece to my feature length fanfic "Meetings in Sewers" composed of cut scenes from certain chapters. It makes more sense if one reads "Sewers". Enjoy!

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**Spike and Patricia's Heart to Heart from Chapter 14**

The girls, including Beledia, were very excited with the idea of my going out with Xander. I can honestly say that I was not looking forward to it. I don't do dates. I barely do relationships. The only consolation is that I know Xander is having issues with the idea as well. How can I tell? There were no flowers on my pillow this morning. I've been avoiding everyone all day. Thus, pacing the floor of Emma's old room. I've been hiding up here most of the day. Now, I'm not a coward. Never have been. But this whole deal is a bit nerve racking, you know what I mean? It's just not right. Back in my day if you liked a girl (or the occasional guy) the protocol was completely different. There were calling cards, interviews with the parents, group dates at social functions. Hell, until the marriage night you'd never be alone together because someone was always lurking somewhere close by to protect the virtue of the young woman. Going out alone together, it just wasn't done. Bloody hell, remember my attempt at a date with Buffy? The absolute disaster that was? I don't want that to happen with Xander.

Emma's room dusty, no one has been in here since the day she past away. It was a safe bet that I'd be safe up here. The door opened and Patricia came in. Why is it that my plans never work? "Someone should really clean in here." Patricia closed the door and locked it (why didn't I think of that?), placing a bundle of clothes down on the end table.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I was voted to help you get dressed."

"Voted?"

"Well, blackmailed. Come on, change." I lean against the wall and cross my arms.

"Make me."

"Please?"

"No." I growled. Patricia shrank in on herself.

"Okay. We can just talk about what's bugging you."

"Nothing." I am the king of evasion, next to Xander, that is.

"I'll believe that when you say it to my face and not to my shoes." Okay, maybe I could learn a thing or two about evasion. "What's amatter, Spike? Nervous about the date?" I shrug. "Spike, come on."

"Patricia, come on." I mocked. "What are you going to do? Beat it out of me?"

"Well, I am a slayer. It'd be easy. Didn't Xander beat you once?" I cock my mouth out.

"No."

"He didn't hit you over the head with a microscope?" Why that little-!

"_I_ hit _him_ over the head with the microscope. I was trying to convince his friend, Willow, to do a love spell for me to get Dru back.."

"Oh. That's nothing like the story that he told."

"What did he tell you?"

"That you were threatening Willow to force her to do a love spell on Buffy for you and he snuck up behind you and hit you over the head with a microscope and then he grabbed Willow and ran."

"Nope, I hit him over the head with the microscope, kidnapped him and Willow, and then threatened to kill him if she didn't create a love spell that drew Dru back to me. I was sort of evil." I grin, remembering. "Oh who am I kidding? I was bad, baby." I bite my lower lip, grinning. Patricia smiles and ducked her head, hiding her face behind a waterfall of hair. "Well, I was. Very bad. I was the Big Bad. Still am." She looked distinctly unimpressed. "I was. And then this pipe organ was dropped on me . . .and then I had this unfortunate run-in with a secret government organization that leashed and muzzled me. Come to think about it I had this huge long streak of bad luck." I blame Sunnydale.

"And now you have a chance to turn your luck around by going out on a date with Xander."

"Not true. Have you seen him eat?" Patricia tilted her head to the side and gave me a look. I sigh and took off my shirt and shoes. Then I started on my belt and pants. "You know, I usually don't undress on the first date." I say, my eyebrow raised, and drop my pants. Patricia whipped her back to me so fast that her hair made a whistling sound as it flew through the air.

"Uh-um, he-here you g-go." She hands a pair of pants to me without looking. I suppose I should have warned her that I go commando. Whoops. I didn't think about that. Okay, so maybe it crossed my mind a little. Must have ignored it.

"What makes you think that I'm going to put those on?"

"I'll cry if you don't." She threatened. "I mean it." I cross my foot over my leg.

"Please Spike?" her voice broke on my name like waves on rocks after a storm, fitfully and hard to miss. It was obvious that I was freaking her out. Now, I still don't mind scaring some people some of the times. Afterall I am a vampire; its part of the description. But now that I have a soul all the fun is taken out of scaring people like Patricia. It sucks but I put on the pants.

"There," I say "I'm decent." She turns around. "So, how did you know I was in here?"

"I heard you pacing." Note to self; when hiding in a room with wooden floors don't pace back and forth with steal-toed boots. Huh, that's actually good advice. She was back to not looking at me.

"What's amatter, Bubbles?"

"What? Oh nothing?"

"Pet?" Patricia looked at me and sat on the bed, sending up clouds of dust that had her coughing and me glad I didn't breathe. When the dust settled she looked back up at me.

"Can I ask you something personal?" I furrow my eyebrows and sit down next to her.

"Sure, Patricia. You can ask me anything." Doesn't mean I'll answer but she doesn't need to know that.

"Am I a monster?"

"Say what now?"

"Am I a monster?"

"God no. Why would you think such a thing?"

"Because I killed Emma." Oh. This is a situation that requires delicacy and tacit. I've neither. This is not going to go well but I pull her to my side.

"Look, you're not a monster. If anyone can tell that to you I can. Before I was chipped I was evil. I would think nothing of destroying a sweet little thing like you or any of the other girls. In fact, I've gone on killing sprees doing just that. It was fun, thrilling."

"What happened?"

"I came to Sunnydale and karma caught up with me. I ended up with a purpose and a soul."

"Do you remember the first person you killed?"

"I remember my first massacre, yeah."

"How-do you remember what they looked like as they died?"

"Yeah. They looked shocked."

"Like Emma."

"No." She looked confused. She had every right to. "There are different versions of shock. Emma's shock was shock at dieing. The first group of people I killed when I was turned all had this look on their faces of '_You_'re killing me?' I remember at the time I found it incredibly funny."

"Why?" I look into her dark eyes filled with worry.

"I was a monster. I am a monster. I still enjoy the kill, the thrill of adrenaline during the hunt."

"But why would they-?"

"The people that I killed that night . . . when I was human they were my friends, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"They treated me like shit. Because of them I was forced to admit something that I really didn't want to."

"Like what?"

"Nothing important. Lets just say that the night ended with me humiliated and turned."

"Oh." She swung her legs back and forth, kicking the bed contemplatively. "So you were shy like me?" Huh-wait-what?

"What makes you say that?"

"You said humiliated. Someone like you doesn't get humiliated by being forced to admit anything. You just stripped in front of me and gave me an eyeful. So you had to be radically different. I can't see you acting like Xander or Kenya or Alex or even Beledia so I guess I just guessed."

"Shot in the dark, huh?"

"Yeah. I didn't like Emma."

"I know, but it doesn't mean that you'll become a monster, pet."

"How do you know?" Stubborn little-! I stand up and look down at her.

"Because you regret doing it!" I point at her chest. "In your heart, you feel bad that Emma is gone and you wish that it didn't happen! That's the difference. Monsters, real monsters, we don't regret it. Not for a moment. My sire, Angel? He feels guilty for all the evil he's done but the monster inside him, the demon that did all those atrocities doesn't. He's gleeful that he caused all that carnage, all that pain. And I tell you another thing. So do I. There is a part of me that will always have that blood lust, that rage, that indescribable glee at misery and pain of others that I cause. You killed someone. Fine. The Shournlach can only make you do that which you are already capable of doing. You're a slayer. You slay. It's part of the job. And Emma was someone you disliked because she was a bully. So obviously there was some part of you that wanted her dead but the thing is that you were under the control of a demon when it happened. You weren't yourself but it was something that you wanted somewhere deep down inside. So that leaves you with a few options. One, you can guilt over it, becoming a liability in the field to your other teammates. Two, you can get over it. Three, you can go down that road and become the monster you're so afraid of becoming. Option three is out because you do feel guilt over what you did and monsters can't feel that. Option one is out because becoming a liability causes the deaths of Xander and the other girls and I know you don't want that. So it's option two, get over it." Somewhere in my little speech Patricia started to tear up. When I ordered her to get over it the waterworks started. Well, everyone knows I'm not the most tactful of people so shut-up! It's not my fault! "Oh Patricia, I'm sorry." I sit back down and pull her so she can cry on my shoulder. Stupid, bloody soul. "I didn't mean it. Well I did but I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry. Cheer up, laughing girl, it's not the end of the world . . .yet." She cried harder. Shite. "Oh, Bugger, I ballsed it all up right proper." I really suck at cheering up crying girls; I'm all awkward and weak about it. "Patricia. Patricia. Sweetheart, cheer up, luv." She was hiccupping and sobbing into my shoulder. Think, William, there has got be some way to cheer her up. "Come on, I'll let you do my hair for my date with Xander. Come on, Bubbles, show me what you brought for me to wear."

"Al-al-alright." She sniffed, standing to collect the bundle of clothes from the end table and helped me get dressed for my date with Xander.


	2. Coming Home S

EXTRA SCENE FROM CHAPTER 15

**Coming home from the date**

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It was moments before sunrise when we finally made it home from our date. Upon (and who says upon anymore? Apparently me. God, I've spent too much time with Giles) a previous discussion we decided that if the girls and Beledia were still up then we should give them a thrill by entering the living room with our arms around each other. My right arm was laid across his shoulders as his left arm wound around my waist. Unfortunately for our tactics we discovered that although the lights were on Beledia was fast asleep on the couch. Spike and I disengaged so he could get a blood-type snack from the kitchen and I could get a spare blanket from the linen closet for my slayer's mother. I get the blanket and tuck Beledia in and then go into the kitchen to check on Spike. The Peroxide Pain was drinking his blood from a mug cold (eugh!) while the little blue flower that I gave him at the restaurant had joined its' counterparts in the green glass vase.

Spike finished his snack and washed the mug out. When he turned around to face me he had a blood mustache. Somehow that was less cute than a milk'stach. Hmm, I wonder why. "You got a little-" I gesture and then move in to wrap an arm around his waist, wiping away the offending stain with my thumb. He grabs my hand with a wicked smile and sucks my thumb into his mouth, his tongue licking away the miniscule amount of blood. Then, he slid it down the entire length of the digit along its pad only to spiral around the entire thing as he pulled it out of his mouth increasing suction so that his cheeks hollowed out. The entire time he maintained eye contact and that wicked smile. Ho-boy. "Spike" I gulped, trying to myself under control "come on to bed." He darts in, stopping an inch away from my mouth.

"I'd rather come in bed." he whispers, his voice all husky and deep, and then he kisses me. Our lips met head-on and then Spike's mouth slips to the side and then moves back over my mouth, his tongue slipping out and into my mouth. I suck on it, clinging to his waist with my one arm and gripping the countertop behind him with the other. Spike's arms are wrapped around my neck and in my hair, his leg inching up the inside of my thighs, grinding up against my crotch. Our tongues slide together, our bodies pressing close, our lips rove over each other and then Spike did this thing that defies words with his tongue-oh god . . .

Sorry, my brain shut off there for a second. Wait, did he just say what I think he just said? "Spike. I'm really not-"

"Shush, pet, was just a joke." Wait, a joke?

"Oh." He pulls me into our bedroom (a month of sharing it constitutes it as 'ours', right? Or am I being too girly?) turning out lights as we go. Once there he starts unbuttoning my shirt. "Whoa, Spike-" panic rises in my voice.

"Calm down, luv, just getting off your clothes so we can go to sleep. Wouldn't want your new duds to get all wrinkly, yeah?" Ooh, Spike's sleepy. You can totally tell because he gets all soft-spoken and quiet when he's tired. Like its too much energy to keep up the bad boy act. It's kinda sweet just don't tell him I said that.

I can feel the sun coming up over the horizon. When you spend most of your life up all night and sometimes depending on dawn (sunrise dawn not Dawn, Buffy's sister Dawn just so we're clear) to save your life then you develop a sixth sense of knowing when it's coming up even when you can't see the sky. It's like a charge in the air and a tingling under the skin. I wonder if it's like that for Spike too.

Spike gets my shirt off and I pull off his shirts as he started to undo my belt and my pants. I fight down a wave of panic at that. I'm okay, I'm good. We're just going to sleep. No sex involved. My pants drop as I toe off my shoes and so does Spike. My hands fall to his waistband and undo the three buttons and the zipper. I've seen Spike naked before, it's okay. Spike places his hands on my shoulders to steady himself as he finishes toeing off his shoes and my hands move to his hips to glide the material down his thighs. Finally we're undressed. I run my fingertips up Spike's flanks and his sides and then down again to rest on his waist, fascinated by the contrast of my fingers on his too pale flesh. His fingers tightened on my shoulders and a muscle in his jaw tightened. He stares into my eye fiercely like he was afraid to look away and there were other obvious reactions to what I was doing to him. I back him to the bed, my heart in my throat. The back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress and I lowered him onto the bed and followed him down. I move to kiss him again but he moves away and up toward the head of the bed. I crawled after him. When I am close enough he grabs the back of my head and pulled me into a hard closed-mouth kiss and kicked the covers back so we could slide underneath them. We wrap our arms around each other, pull the blankets around ourselves and fall asleep before you can say 'Sun's up'.

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**Author After Note**: I love this scene and really regreted having to cut it from the actual story so it pops up here.


	3. Extended Conversation S

Extended Conversation From Chapter 15

**Extended Conversation between The mini-slayers and the Scoobies**

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"Will, the point?"

"If the book is used again, then we're all doomed." Willow shrugged.

"So because I'm not magical at all and all normal guy I should be safe?" I ask, sitting in between my two friends to have better access to the baguette and brie cheese. Willow hit me upside the head and Buffy socked me in the arm. "Ow and _ow_." I tell them and cut some bread and spread some of the slightly bitter soft cheese on it. "Why do I have to have such violent friends?" I ask rhetorically.

"Probably has something to do with growing up in Sunnydale." Willow says.

"And going through puberty fighting vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness." Buffy adds sardonically, going for the cheddar cheese ball and the crackers.

"Yeah but, can't we all just get along?" I ask, being classic Xander, joking around.

"Probably." Buffy rejoined. "But where would be the fun in that?" I laugh and glance up at my charges.

"What is it, girls?" I ask.

"It is nothing." Kenya said.

"You're acting weird." Alex said, contradicting her teammate.

"No, he's not." Buffy said.

"Yeah, he's acting like Xander." Willow added.

"Not the Xander we know." Alex said. "The Xander we know is all serious, fun but he's usually all 'you need to train' and 'let's have a research party! Come on it'll be fun. With musty books and pastries.'." That was probably the worst possible way of describing what I'm like. I'm way cooler than that. At least I hope I am. "With you guys, it's all goofiness." Willow and Buffy turn to look at me. I lean back into the sofa and glare at the onion dip.

"So Xander," Buffy said with some surprise. "you've become Giles. What's that like?"

"Have not."

"Oh you so have." Willow chirped happily. "With the training and the research. You're a proper Watcher."

"Am not. I'm too cool and-and good-looking to be a Watcher. Besides, we've never pulled pranks on Giles. These girls pull pranks on me all the time. Don't you?"

"No."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What?"

"Liars. They just pulled a prank on me the other day where they stole my clothes."

"That wasn't on you that was on Sp-" This time Patricia threw a throw pillow with deadly accuracy at Alex's head. "specifically Kenya. Patricia accused her of wearing too much black." Alex explained. Geez, that girl was good at cover-up, granted she was the one that kept nearly blowing the whole thing.

"I am really into classic punk at the moment." Kenya explained in a flat voice. "Billy Idol is my god." I snorted into my weird French grape soda. Buffy smiled.

"I used to date a guy who thought he was Billy Idol." She said. Liar. She didn't date Spike, she slept with him. There is a major difference. Whoa. I'm irrationally angry at my best friend for being mean to my boyfriend. I'm really am gay now aren't I?

"Spike." Patricia supplies. Buffy looks surprised.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Xander told us all about him. He sounds really cool. I bet I would like him." Patricia is evil, I'm almost sure of it. In fact, they're all evil and obviously enjoy torturing me way too much. I'm positive.

"I'm sure you would. He was . . .surprising . . .in many ways."

"Why did you break it off with him?" Patricia, shut-up!

"I wasn't treating him right. He, and I, deserved better." Damn skippy he deserved better. I'm better-Harris, shut-uo before that mouth of yours gets you in trouble.

"We got off topic. The Grimmoire of Morgan Le Fay." I remind.

"Right. Anyway, the book is in the hands of Twilight's lackey." Buffy says.

"Wait, what?" I ask, intelligently.

"That is not possible." Kenya added.

"Why not?" Willow asked.

"We have the book." I say.

"Then why would Twilight gloat about his goons having it?" Buffy asked. "He may be evil but he doesn't seem the time to gloat without some basis in fact."

"Yeah, because we all want villains who gloat without basis." I snark.

"Well, they're easier to defeat." Willow shrugged. "Maybe the book you guys have is a fake?" I stand and race to my room where the book was hidden. Spike is already racing through our things looking for it. I help him. He stops me with a hand on my forearm and looks me in the eye.

"The book is gone."

Author After Notes: No comment.


	4. Xander's side of the story I

**_No One is Innocent_**

**_By_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine

**_Dedicated to_**: Peanuts

**_Warnings_**: Angst

**_Author Notes:_** So here's a spoiler for the L.A sequel to "No One is Innocent" . . . it will be called "Bathing in Blood". Make of it what you will . . .

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He had leaned back and let me off the hook, for now. He mumbled something about letting him rest because, hey!, he was tired. I backed out of the room and stumbled downstairs. I've seen Spike beaten up before and defeated but it never affected me like it suddenly does. I sit heavily at the foot of the stairs and drop my head between my knees again. The bad stuff is winning again. I really hate it when it does that. "Hey." I glance up. Patricia sits next to me. My head falls down again. Don't really feel like company right now. I'd be homesick right now if I had a home.

"Hey."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I guess." We sat in silence. Her leg twitches next to my head.

"Are you sure?" She asks. I sigh. No rest for the wicked. Or mourning.

"Yeah." She waits and she fidgets again.

"Is Spike going to be okay?"

"I guess. And yeah, I'm sure." She huffs in semi-amusement.

"Just playing the concerned friend. I don't think there's anyone else here that would with him. They don't like Spike much, do they?"

"No they don't." I snort. "Hell, until last year I hated him myself."

"What changed?"

"Paris. Finding out he survived, lots of stuff."

"I'm sorry." I look at her.

"Why?" She lays her head on her knee and wraps her arms around her legs so that we're suddenly looking at each other at eye level.

"About everything. It doesn't mean much but I am." Sweet Patricia, she so empathetic that she reminds me a little of Willow when we were kids. I'd be traumatized by a teacher or a bully and she'd go all 'Mother Willow' on me. It was a comforting similarity.

"Can I ask you about something?"

"Yeah. What?"

"Do you think that I treat Spike like he's- I don't know- beneath me?" She looked thoughtful as she considered the question. Please say 'no'. Please say 'no'. Please say 'no'.

"Sometimes." What?

"What?" She shrugs.

"You- I don't know, it's like you sometimes, _sometimes_ take the teasing too far or will say something like he's-it's-it's like you're only with him on a whim and it's just this faze you're going through. But it isn't- it's not all the time. Usually you're really sweet like if it's really early morning and you two would sit on the couch and snug and watch infomercials or he'll kiss you and you light up like you got a present. But I've seen him bring you coffee, just the way you like it and you'll thank him and everything but I've never seen you bring him blood. He's always affectionate, even if it's mostly perverse, but it's like you don't realize how much effort he puts into pleasing you. Like you take him for granted or something?"

"I love him."

"I know. I never said you didn't and it's obvious he loves you but sometimes there's more to it than that. You got to work at making it work."

"Love doesn't conquer all?" I joke. She shakes her head, still looking thoughtful, like she was far away.

"Doesn't always work out that way."

"No. No, it really doesn't. Especially in our universe."

"Xander?"

"Spike gave me an ultimatum. Either I start treating him with respect or he leaves." She gasps in shock.

"Oh Xander. Did you know that he was feeling this way?"

"No. Not really. I never really noticed." She sits straight up and looks down at me.

"You never thought to check in? Make sure that he was okay with the way the relationship was going?" Oops?

"Uh? No?" It honestly never occurred to me.

"Xander!"

"Wha-?" She hit me! She freaking slapped my shoulder with a closed fist. Wait- "OW!" I sit up, if only to protect my back from further injury.

"How can you be in a relationship with anyone if you don't actually watch out for their emotional needs?" Huh?

"Because I'm a guy?" That made her mad. I've never seen Patricia mad. It was a surreal experience.

"That's no excuse. If you're forcing the _guy_ you're_ dating_ into a traditional woman's role don't you think that you should check to make sure he's alright with it first?"

"I don't treat Spike like he's a woman." He's _very_ male.

"You treat him like he's your inferior and acts out like he doesn't know any better."

"No I don't!"

"Yes! Yes you do!! Xander! Spike's a person. He feels like everyone else."

"He's not a person. He's a vampire." I point out. She stands up and growls.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!"

"Because it's the truth?"

"Not that part. 'He's not a person.' What? So he isn't capable of cognitive thought?"

"Well-"

"And what? He doesn't bleed? Laugh? Cry?"

"I've never actually seen-"

"He isn't capable of emotion? Love? Hate? Obsession? Fear? Happiness? IS HE JUST A MONSTER TO YOU?"

"Patricia, calm down."

"NO!" She screams. "I will not calm down! Spike-Spike was the one to convince me that I wasn't a monster because I felt guilt over Emma's death. He proved to me that just because you do something bad that it doesn't mean that you're evil as long as you try and make up for it! He honestly loves you. You can see it in the way he lights up when you come into a room or even just touch him! He lights up like he doesn't expect anything good out of his existence and miracles of miracles he gets you! HOW CAN YOU SAY HE'S NOT A PERSON?" The others had stuck their heads out of the living room curious to what the screaming was about. The Baltimore squad looks shocked to see Patricia standing off against me. "So what? Are you with him despite the fact he's a vampire or is just a fetish of yours?" That did it. I don't need to be made to feel guilty about Spike from him or her or anyone else. If she knew me she'd know what my deal was about vampires. I stand up and make every inch of my five foot eleven work for me.

"HEY! BACK OFF!"

"Make me." She folds her arms under her breasts and glares.

"What on earth is going on in here?" Giles asks.

"Xander's being a jerk to Spike and I don't appreciate it. Spike's my friend. I won't allow anyone to just walk all over him like he's a fucking doormat!" Patricia screams. I think she took everyone back by cussing. She never cusses.

"Well, it's not like Spike doesn't deserve it." Oz states. Eveyone looks at him. He shrugs. "He was pretty evil back in his day." Patricia rounds on him. I shift back to get out of her way.

"So what? He should be treated like crap now because he's trying to make up for all the evil he's done over the years? Is that fair? Should we all be punished and treated like rapid wolves because we want to be better? We should be put down like animals because we want to right the wrongs that we did in the past?" Ouch. She glares at Oz. The werewolf backed down easily. "Should we be judged not by the people we are but by the people we've been?"

"It's not that easy." Sharesia says.

"Yes. It is." Patricia glares at her.

"Alright, can't we all just calm down?" Faith said. "What happened?"

"Xander said that Spike, his _boyfriend_ Spike, the guy who loves and appreciates every moment with him, wasn't a person." She tells the senior slayer.

"Well, he isn't." Allison says. "He's a vampire." She shrugs."A good vampire" she allows "but he's still one of the legions of undead who we were Called to kill."

"So he should be measured because of something that he can't change? Like Sharesia's or Nicki's skin color or Xander's sexual orientation?"

"Hey wait. I'm not-" Patricia glares at me. "I'm bi." She snorts and turns back to the others.

"Most vamps are evil monsters, Patricia." Amber stated. "It's why we were Called."

"Most monsters aren't vampires, Am." Patricia glared. "Most of the monsters in this world are human. Or what passes for human most of the time." Giles, Faith and Oz look uncomfortable. "I staked my squad leader. I shoved a stake through Emma's solar plexus into her heart and killed her. I was being mind-controlled by a demonic parakeet at the time but it doesn't negate the fact that somewhere in my being there is the desire to kill a living creature. I don't like it but it doesn't mean that it controls me. I'm one of the good guys because I made the conscious decision to be good. So dis Spike. Dammit! Spike the one who taught me that!" She had them backed into a corner. Giles, Oz, and Faith all fight inner demons of whether or not they're good people because what they did in the past. If they disagreed and say that Spike should be judged according to his past then they all are as guilty as he is. Oz raised his hand.

"May I ask something?"

"What?" She sighed angrily.

"Xander, why did you say that Spike wasn't a person?"

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Patricia was yelling at me for being a bad boyfriend and not treating him with respect."

"Why aren't you treating him with respect?"

"I didn't realize that I wasn't. But apparently Spike thinks so and Patricia agrees with him. He threatened to break up with me if I didn't shape up."

"Then break up with him." Oz stated simply.

"What?"

"If you aren't seeing eye to eye then it isn't really a relationship and you should break up." He explains. "Of course, it's Spike so he'd probably do something drastic to get you back or something." He shrugs.

"I agree with Oz." Giles spoke up. "Spike- you and he never have gotten along and if that sort of viciousness carried over into your-your romantic-" The glasses were off and being polished "relationship then wouldn't it be better to end it before it ends in death or worse? For the both of you?" Faith shrugs.

"It's weird that you two are together anyways." She adds. Whoa. That's-whoa.

"So what? I just give up? I'm a Scooby. We never say die . . . mostly because we keep coming back from the dead but still. . . I can't just give up. I-I just can't."

"Xander, it doesn't sound like you're in a healthy relationship and considering your past with Spike-" Giles scratched at his eyebrows in thought. "It sound like whatever this was is coming to an end." Ouch. I try and imagine what my world would be like without Spike sharing it and my bed with me. I can't do it. I feel sick at the thought.

"No."

"Xander-" Faith starts. I hold up a hand.

"I don't care. I love him and whatever shit we're going through at the moment? I'd rather die than lose him. Regardless of our history together."

**_Author After Notes_**: There you go.

Tropic


	5. Awkward and Upsetting P

Scene from "No Promises" directly after Xan's conversation with Willow.

I stand and walk to the practice room to see if Spike's there. Wonder what he'd do with Christmas? He probably won't want to go. He's kind of…braced for impact. After nearly five months you'd think that he'd…I don't know…realize that I was serious about staying with him. He won't let me touch him at all, sleeping as far away from me on the bed as possible and waking up before I do. He spends all day and night training with the slayers and really I only see him when we get ready for bed at night. He still sleeps naked though but ignores me. His body has lost all softness, trained into a hard, chiseled machine. He moves silently, sneaking up on me when I least expect it and disappearing just as quickly. I miss kissing him. Miss how he would tease me into taking control and melt into me like ice cream. I miss 'us'. Maybe Willow's invite is a good thing. We need a break, a vacation. Give us the time to reset and get back to basics. He won't tell me what he needs and wants or anything about himself. I need that… I need him to open up but you'd have to be blind, stupid or Buffy not to see how much this all hurts him, how afraid he is.

That's another thing that's changed. I never, ever thought of Buffy in bad terms before but…with Spike and Drusilla's memories running through my head I can't help but think that Buffy needs to be….I don't know. But randomly unkind thoughts crop up about one of my best friends and I hate it. I hate that I'm jealous and angry because of Spike's history with her. I want her to be okay but I want Spike to stop hurting. I'm so confused. I don't know which way is up anymore and Spike's no help. We definately need a vacation...or at least I do.

I walk into the practice room to see something I really didn't expect. Spike's dancing. Some random Top Forty Hit is playing out of the radio sitting on top of the weapons cabinet and Spike was jumping around and dancing with Mary, Kenya, and Alex. Oz, Patricia, and Cal were all standing in a corner watching them. Spike is smiling as he twirls Alex around and dips Mary in the same go. Kenya rushes him and he flips her which she turns into a back flip. They all start head banging on the chorus. I smile. It was nice to see Spike relaxed for the first time since we got back from L.A. The song changes and the four of them change beats with their bodies. Spike pulls Kenya to him and starts dancing the tango with her, his body movement fluid.

"_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell, it was love from above that could save me from hell" _Spike drops to his knees as she circles him ending up at his shoulder. Spike lifts up his hand and she trails her fingertips to his hand_. She had fire in her soul it was easy to see how the devil himself could be pulled out of me." _She pulls him to his feet and he spins her into a dip. _"There were drums in the air as she started to dance," _Spike lets her go so she can dance to the beat of the drums turning the tango moves into a tarantella. _"Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands" _Everyone else starts clapping the beat and Spike picks up the dance, moving his body with a grace that I sometimes forget he has._ "And we sang…Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay and the voices rang like the angels sing. We're singing Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay, and we danced on into the night, Ay oh ay oh, Ay oh ay oh, And we danced on into the night-" _Spike spun and came face to face with me and- the room froze. Spike's grin melts off his face like it was never there. My heart was beating out the tempo of the song and his eyes are so beautiful. "_Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place you could tell how we felt from the look on our faces. We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes. The room left them moving between you and I. We forgot where we were and we lost track of time and we sang to the wind as we danced through the night. And we sang…_" Spike turns and looks at Mary who was the closest to the radio.

"Mary, turn that racket off, will you?" The brunette scrambles to stop the music. The silence that followed was deafening. "Yeah, Xander?" I blink. Spike's looking at me with polite blank curiosity. That look hurt in ways it shouldn't have.

"Uh, that was Willow on the phone." Spike crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. He's defensive. I know he doesn't want to do any more missions for awhile. I'm kinda right there with him. "How you feel about a vacation? They, Kennedy and Wills, invited us to Brazil for the holidays. Thought it be nice." I shrug, dropping my hands into the pockets of my sweats. "With everything that's happened-we need a break." Spike shrugs and gestures pass me to the hallway. I back up into the hallway and he follows, leading me into the living room to lean against the back of the couch.

"I don't think she would want me there, Xan. You can go. You're right. We need a break and someone ought to stay here to take care of everyone." He says, staring at the ground, arms still crossed.

"Spike, the girls have Beledia and Patricia and Oz to look out for them. You are just as tired as I am. You've been working yourself to death." Spike looks up to raise an eyebrow at me. "More to death, whatever….since we got back. I want to spend some quality time with you. Is that so horrible?" Spike shrugs. "Stop shutting me out! Dammit, Spike! Ever since you found out that I have your memories you've been…cautious. I'm not going to go away and I'm damn sure not going to press you but you have to give me something to work with! I want you." I step forward only to stop when Spike flinches away from me. "I want you to feel safe with me. But if you need time apart to help you with that-" I break off. I'm not getting through to him. Maybe it's better if we had some time apart "…..I'll go to Brazil, visit with my friends, but it doesn't change what I want, Spike. I want you to feel like you can be honest with me…I thought…I thought if I-if we stopped having sex then we could work through it but now you won't even let me touch you?" I stare at him…he gives me nothing to work with. I turn toward our bedroom. "I'll be back after New Years. Happy Holidays, Spike." I walk away to pack and make travel arrangements.

* * *

**Santana "Into The Night" ( Kroeger) lyrics**

[1st Verse]  
Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,  
It was love from above, that could save me from hell,  
She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,  
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me,  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance,  
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands,  
And we sang…

[Chorus]  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,

[2nd Verse]  
Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place,  
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces,  
We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes,  
The room left them moving between you and I,  
We forgot where we were and we lost track of time,  
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night,  
And we sang…

[Chorus]  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,

[Solo]  
[1st Verse repeated]  
Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,  
It was love from above, that could save me from hell,  
She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,  
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me,  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance,  
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands,  
And we sang…

[Chorus]  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
(And the voices rang like the angels sing),  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
Singing ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
And we danced on into the night


	6. Bathtime M

Extra Scene from chapter eight of "Sometime Around Midnight"

Disclaimer: Not mine

Warning: slash, lime

* * *

It was past dawn when we finally made it back to the hotel, hurting and tired. We walked what felt like the entire, sprawling city seven times over and had come up with three likely candidates for a Budapest HQ. Aliegh went straight for bed while I head for the second in-suite bathroom that was in Spike's and my bedroom. I felt old, which sucked, and every muscle hurt. I remembered when I could patrol all night and go to school with only five minutes of sleep and research that afternoon. Of course I slept in classes and relied on Willow to tutor me for tests and homework but that's neither here nor there.

I run the bathwater and start to strip off my shirt. I groan when my muscles screamed protest at the movement. I strip complete and am getting ready to step into the tub with Spike appears in the doorframe. I don't see him but I know he's there. "Hey."

"Hey." I turn to look at him and have to lean against the wall for support. He's naked and crosses his arms with a raised eyebrow.

"Bad news is you're involved with an old man." I say; part humor, part serious. He shrugs; his shoulders that of the twenty year-old that was murdered in 1880 and reborn as a vampire. "Good news is that I'm an old man who knows Budapest like the back of my hand." He moves silently to my side and helps me into the bath. The water is almost too hot and I gasp as my skin reds. He steps in behind me and lower us into the tub. I collapse into his chest and sigh. He chuckles silently and cups hot water onto my shoulders with his hands only to massage them. "I love you." He laughs.

"What's there not to love?" I snort.

"That twig sticking into my back."

"OH!" He squeezes a little too hard.

"Ah!" OwOwOwowowowowowow.

"That's a log, you bitch." I turn partly and kiss his lips sloppily. He wraps his arms around me and there's a moment where we're just together and content. His hand moves south as he whispers "I was worried about you."

"I was with a slayer."

"Yeah, not a slayer I know. Next time go with Cal. Please, Xander. I don't want anything to happen to you." There was a silent 'again' tacked onto the end of that statement as his hand wraps around my genitalia. What could I say to that? Especially with his hand stroking me like that. I lean back as he kisses my collarbone.

"I love you." He grins into the skin at the back of my neck.

"Love you too, pet. I just wish you'd be more careful. I want you to be really old by the time I lose you." I smile.

"Spike, I hope you realize I'm way too tired and sore to finish what you're trying to start." He licks my ear. "Spike, down boy."

"Woof." he deadpans and nuzzles my ear. "Just relax. I got you." I snort in amused exhaustion but at least he moves his hand away from my groin. There's a lull of conversation in which I drift in warm water and cold vampire.

"You're warming up." I say, noticing how cold the water's got and how warm his body's become.

"Am I?"

"Hmm."

"You're getting wrinkly."

"Means bedtime?" I ask, sleepily, more asleep than awake.

"Almost."

"Mm." Spike wraps his arms around me, resting his cheek against my temple, and allows me to sink into sleep. My consciousness is limited to the water and my lover and that's good. At some point I'm aware of how the water's starting to suck away from me and Spike moving in a way that I'm partly woken up. He shushes me back into my semi-conscious state and leads me out of the bathtub and to the bed in the adjacent room. "Sleepy." I mumble as I collapse into the pillow.

"Shhh, I know. Go to sleep." I grab his arm.

"Bed with me." I think I can hear his smile…maybe even smell it. I feel him arch over me and collapse on the opposite side of the bed. He pulls the covers over us and I'm out like a light.

* * *

Author After Talk: it was too sweet a scene to just disappear forever

* * *


End file.
